When beginning a coaching relationship with someone, the first question I ask is “do you have the will to change the system?”.
This question can be in reference to any facet of change, including:
- leadership culture
- church systems
- relational systems
- personal development
- spiritual development
Desire to change is one thing, having the will to change is entirely another. (click here to tweet that)
Change is difficult. Changing successfully and maintaining involves developing new habits, responses, and ways of thinking and observing. This will feel unnatural at first and needs to be approached intentionally and mindfully.
Change is often slow. Or at least the pace of change is not linear. The results that are desired in any of the above arenas will not be instantaneous and will be filled with set-backs and learning moments. It takes time, often many months before the system will accept and embrace change. The important thing is to intentionally take one step at a time.
Change is met with resistance. It may be personal resistance as the change feels new and uncomfortable. We will long for results and be tempted to turn back. Or the resistance may be from the system that is being change. Others involved will take time to learn and respond to the new patterns.
Change is painful. If it wasn’t, we would not be frustrated with it. Desiring some change is itself a response to pain, discomfort or dysfunction. Often though, we second guess because of the pain involved and this can erode our diligence. The good news is that the pain is only temporary.
Change is necessary for health. Human beings are not static creatures, nor are the systems we create. As we learn, we must grow and develop how we lead others and our self.
It takes a determined will to endure the process of change and enjoy the eventual satisfaction of the results.
The first step is evaluating your commitment to change. Saying one thing and doing another will throw the system into confusion, and you will lose credibility. People soon learn what to say or do in order to return to the old ways of doing things. In the case of personal change, it will lead to shame and failure.
The second step is finding a partner, someone external to the system to walk the path of change with you. A partner that will help you learn from failures and encourage you to celebrate successes.
One option is to find a coach who will ask questions to stimulate new ways of thinking and alternative ways to look at a situation or system.
For more info about the process of coaching, feel free to contact me and we can set up a free phone consultation to determine if a coaching relationship is right for your situation and circumstance.